What ups and downs

I am sat here months after my last attempt to write an update on this blog and I don't know how I'll compress and express everything that has happened since the last time I posted, January 1st at the beginning of this 2019.

I'll not be putting my pictures, I just need to get this blog back on track and moving again, and maybe this will be part of my healing process.

To put it mildly 2019 has been a remarkably difficult year.

Of course as mentioned in the last update I found that Sassy was dead, though she had been off her food for a few days and I was wondering whether she would get better or not. That was my first grave I have dug this year, up next to Mo near the Silver Birch in the top corner. She was a good rabbit though I always think I should have made her a tractor run and let her have a more natural life than up on that balcony. Then my Nana passed away of the illness she had been suffering, which was very sad but not unexpected.

What a wonderful thing; this is a Very Happy Beard Daddy

Then a pure moment of true amazingness. Little Rosie came into the world and my life changed immeasurably. She was healthy, and remains so to this day (though I've had to come away for work so I'm missing her every day). Nothing can prepare you for what fatherhood actually means. Nothing. She is certainly the only really meaningful thing I've ever had a part in. Amazing. She will not appear regularly in photographs on this blog (that isn't what this is about) but as of today, just over two months later, I've got more than 1,000 photographs and videos of her and this number will only grow.

Then my life fell apart; a freak accident put my father into a coma and he never came out of it. He died having never met my daughter and with such suddenness that there was no time to prepare. One minute the greatest man I've ever known was there, the next he was gone. We were helped IMMEASURABLY by the wonderful embassies in Sofia, both the Irish and British embassies went beyond the call of duty to help us get traveling documents for Rosie so we could all get back to the UK for my mum. Sadly we were not able to get back before my Dad passed; there was nothing that could be done about that.

I really cannot speak highly enough of the help from Sofia; they truly made a huge difference to me, and more importantly my Mum.

The funeral was an intense day, and humbling for the people who made an effort to be there and show their love for my Dad. I can't remember all that much of the day right now, except trying to stay next to my Mum. Some people were there I've not seen since I was in single digits as well as friends I've known since then as well. A truly incredible day, but one I would give up for having him back.

The previous attempt to write a blog was the day of my Dad's accident, but I did not know as I was writing it that he was in such a way.

Digging the grave for Rambo

The Cairn I have built over his grave site

And so to the next thing; Rambo is now no longer with us either. He collapsed one day and managed to get back up but over the next few days his state became so bad he could not move at all; I had to carry him out to the toilet but of course I wasn't there all the time. We had to take him to the vet and have him put to sleep. I spent that entire day digging another grave, this one much larger than Sassy's, and then building a cairn over the top.

And so it has taken me a long time to write the second blog post of 2019. I have taken nearly 2000 pictures since the 1st, many lovely moment as well as the horrible ones listed here. We had some snow (Rambo loved that) and Bekci the new guard dog is settling in. Rosie has been an unending source of joy and this year our focus for building work has to be the bedroom and playroom for her off the Kitchen. I've managed to get work again, though I've had to be away for a month while I'm settling in the company. After this it should be fully remote which is perfect. The week after next I'll be driving back to Bulgaria again, this time with my mum, and I cannot wait to get home.

I'll close this update with a couple of videos that A took the other day, stood on the balcony, of nightingales singing in the dark.

And I'll dedicate this blog to my Dad. He was everything to me and he'll never leave me; I now have to live up to his example.

Thanks for reading - normal service will be resumed in a couple of weeks time.