Motivation

Another reflective blog post.

We'll see how it goes and whether it even gets published.

Maybe this will just sit in a "draft" state for months and months...

Anyway, motivation.

It is something I have always struggled with; I really REALLY enjoy a challenge but the question of "why bother" is never far from my mind. Indeed a lot of the things I have succeeded at in the past have been because I am also stubborn and have, in a sense, done them just to prove myself wrong and that I can achieve things if I want to.

Originally the plan for Bulgaria involved me and my girlfriend going together and this was a very good plan. She would have been there to ensure that I kept going with what I said I wanted to do and my motivation would therefore have come from that location.

Sadly our relationship has not lasted (though very happily indeed we are friends and have not done that ridiculous thing where we hate each other; I am relieved about this) and so I am now going on my own.

Being on my own is not a problem. I like my company and, with the wonderful interwebs to provide me with some 'human' contact I doubt I'll be lonely.

The area of most concern is with my motivation. When I am only doing something for myself I have the unfortunate habit of not really being that bothered about it. Nothing will get in the way if I am doing something to help or impress someone else but, if it's only me, who cares!

When we split up last year I basically ignored my garden until she came back; it was only the fact that I was able to share it with her that enabled me to really throw myself into it. I absolutely love gardening and growing things and being outside and everything like that but only doing it for myself just wasn't enough of a kick to drag me out of my laze.

Our old garden; how I loved that place

And now I am taking on a massive renovation work, including hoping to grow food and keep animals to at least partially feed myself. I am sat here writing this and quite literally fascinated to see what the outcome of all this is. I know I am going, I am so excited and I cannot wait to get there. I even am pretty sure that I will complete the renovation (or at least the initial living quarters - see some other blog for that detail) and I will have a little kitchen garden because the pleasure of growing (and not having anything else to do) will encourage me. What I do not know is will the joy stay with me, with no one there to share it with and enjoy the challenges and struggles which will come.

I have always said this is a three to four year plan for me. I aim to get the house livable in and take that length of time away from "the world" and then see how I feel then as to whether I retire there permanently or just use it as a base for more travelling or even come back to England.

Well, I guess we will all find out together won't we.

Thinking.....

I do not know if this will get published. It probably will. This IS the purpose of this blog; to capture my state of mind as well as the actions I am taking...

Thanks for reading :)